identity crisis.

what i’m trying to understand these days is how, as a christian, my faith interacts with what i see on social media, the news and what i see from my friends and my peers. it’s not easy for me, being a liberal christian, to see similarities these days. some of my friends don’t comprehend the concept behind being a liberal and a christian, and i guess that’s okay. they say that it simply cannot be done. i’m just saying, here i am and i’m pretty sure i’m not the only one with this identity crisis.

for example, i believe in science. the way i see it, climate change is no hoax my friends. the evidence is there, quite loudly in fact. climate change is not a liberal fact and a conservative fallacy. it’s. simply. happening. glaciers are melting and rivers are drying up, it’s a fact. we don’t get to make up “alternative facts” when we don’t want to believe the truth. my wife and i have conversations frequently where we are both stunned at the, at best, apathetic christian response to climate change. even as a christian conservative, wasn’t the very first job given to humans was to take care of the earth and everything in it? and now, because you oppose climate change, the response is that the earth is supposed to die anyway so who cares? quite remarkable to me. but still, i want to be respectful of opinions here on this blog while exercising mine. this is after all, my space.

i’m trying to understand the pro-life movement. i’m not for the killing of babies. i hate that. i was adopted at eight months old, which taught me that there are other options. mothers have other choices if they are willing to consider them. it’s also not that simple. i feel that many people who are telling women what they should do with their bodies have never walked a day in their shoes. some have and those opinions are valued. if we are to be pro-life, doesn’t that also extend to life after birth? shouldn’t we be there for each other while on this earth or are we just concerned that babies are born and then they are on their own? do we care for them as long as they stay out of trouble? is their life valuable to us as long as they don’t get fat off of government hand outs? should we not care for them if they don’t care enough for themselves? is that the Jesus way of handling things?

as a christian, don’t understand the gun argument. throughout our society we have protections in place to protect humans from danger. we are required to wear seat belts in cars, for our protection. it’s actually against the law to walk across the street when the signs says stop, for our protection. we cannot drive drunk or above the speed limit for our protection. we have to take our shoes off at airports because one time one person had a bomb in his shoe. i’ve seen little old ladies in wheelchairs get patted down through the TSA lines because 17 years ago we had a horrific terrorist attack and we didn’t want that to happen again. they don’t even let us use our phones on planes unless we put the on special settings in case it disrupts frequencies and we end up falling out of the sky. in some areas of my city we cannot have bonfires because it might be destructive enough to burn down a house and be harmful to humans. so why, if we are pro-life, would we not want the same type of effort be taken so that our children are safe in schools? wouldn’t we do everything we can do to ensure we are all safe when we go to nightclubs and concerts and frankly anywhere? why is this the one thing we are just dumbfounded about? in america, we never say we can’t do anything. we have got to be the most confident nation on earth. there is nothing we say we cannot do. except preventing people dying because of gun violence. i just don’t get how the same people who vote along republican lines for pro-life purposes can continue to argue against gun regulations. wouldn’t being pro-life preclude you to do something? wouldn’t marching for life extend to those already living?

people get so upset about people living on food stamps, and i’m over here thinking, “what’s it to ya?” we are always experts on other people’s lives while ours are going to crap. “well, my taxes are paying for that! get a job!” taxes are actually meant to pay for things for the community and the common good, not just for what benefits you solely. who among us has not needed a helping hand? if other people are looking for hand outs in ways you wouldn’t, that’s their cross to bear, not yours. i just don’t get the venom spewed, and then the same people go to church on sunday and ask God to help them be a light in the community. i’ll never understand it.

i’ve struggled the last few years with a lot of these issues. i hold on to my faith because it has sustained me through some tough times. i see how faith has gotten my friends through unspeakable tragedies. i look at my little girl and i am convinced there is a higher being. that’s the only way to explain it. she’s too perfect. i’ve worked in a church. i’ve been called pastor. i get that side of things. what i don’t understand is how we can all say we love the same God but not all love the same people we believe he made. it’s not really optional is it?

i get that we are all different and i love that. i think we should celebrate our differences more than we should be debating them. what makes us stronger is not when we all conform to each other, but we can see each other’s view points and grow and learn from them. just because we have strong opinions, it doesn’t make them right. it just makes us human. what makes us good is when we take all of our differences and become a community.



i’m just guessing here, but we probably don’t agree on everything. should we fight? should we call each other names? should i do everything in my power to stop you from being successful?

if you are a different gender, should i be given higher privileges simply because of my anatomy? should i be able to speak to you in any way i please just because i can? should i get paid more to do the same job just because? if i was a single man (or married, really), should i be able to sleep with whoever i want and not worry about any labels detracting from my character?

if we disagree on politics, can i hold you to a higher standard than i do myself? do you mind if i call you stupid and an idiot because you don’t agree with me?

why invest in our schools? it’s not like education is a direct correlation to our future. let’s spend billions of taxpayer dollars on a mother***** wall. let’s let the school crumble. and why not put someone with no experience and no qualifications at the head of our schools. makes sense right? well i guess if we can do that for the head of the country, the commander -in – chief, it won’t hurt to do that for education right?

if we believe in different religions, should it be okay for me to shun you? clearly you are wrong and i am right anyway… right? i’ll just call your people radicals if you’re Muslim and hopeless if you’re  Atheist. that’s okay right?

maybe i should build a large fence around my house, to keep my neighbors away? you never know who and what is out there.

since global warming isn’t really a thing, maybe it’s okay to throw my trash out the window. who cares right?

we don’t need the arts… we need more military, right? the enemy is getting closer.

fear is the most dangerous drug. once we are hooked on it, we need it. we hunger and thirst for it and we don’t even realize it. fear influences our decisions. fear makes us question truth. fear turns facts into alternative facts and we are even okay with that. when we are addicted to fear, we allow our morality to turn into poison that we then inject others with.

we’ve allowed our fear to turn us into a nation of hate and divisiveness. instead of celebrating our differences, we despise them. we have forgotten that our hope is not in our solidarity, but in our ability to unite and build together solid foundations for our communities.

so, we can continue to tear each other down, or we can find a way to use each of our unique qualities and gifts to unite. we can continue to say “ME FIRST!”, or we can say “let’s do this together”.

is that too much?


this world is a wonder.

and it makes me wonder.

i wonder about the past… it just seems to happen so fast. one day, two days turns into a week, a month. suddenly a few years have gone and i’m left remembering where we’ve been and wondering about where we’re going.

i wonder about today. i wonder how we got here.

social media blasts us with stories of ferguson, missouri in a blaze. an officer shoots an unarmed man in the head and doesn’t go to trial. i wonder about that. going to trial doesn’t mean guilt or innocence, it just means that more questions need to be asked. i wonder how the grand jury can decide that all necessary questions have been asked and answered.

the president puts forward an order regarding immigration.

the internet explodes.

i guess we have forgotten that almost all of us are not from here. we are the byproducts of immigration, some of us illegally. but that doesn’t seem to matter anymore. why bother with the truth of history?

the united states spends more on defense than the next twenty-six countries combined. somehow it’s justified. yet there are those who think cuts need to be made to education. as if we haven’t made life tough enough for kids. now the one place they are supposed to go specifically for learning, we cannot even sustain that? then we cannot figure out why kids are on the streets and crimes escalates. that makes me worry more than wonder.

i wonder about those who proclaim to know Jesus and celebrate his miracles and his life. many of these people are the ones who believe you must earn health care, that it’s not a right, that there then must be a premium on health and life. if being healthy and having access to health care is a privilege and not a right, i wonder how that works with your theology. what has any of us done to deserve Jesus? we christians like to say that Jesus is the ultimate healer right? yet the system in place for those who need it is only accessible for those who have earned it? i wonder how that can be possible to believe.

some headlines ask questions that we cannot possibly answer.

i hear that sex trafficking in this country is on the rise. why? how? who are the monsters that think this is okay?

 some questions have easy answers… at least in my mind…ISIS exists now because of an unnecessary war we started over a decade ago that ironically opened the floodgates for something we vowed to destroy.

this world is full of wonder. there is good in this world. i know too many good people who are doing so much good. there is also the opposite. people more concerned with bank accounts and power and image to worry about anything else. that is what concerns me.

it makes me wonder about the future.



the thing about writing is that it requires a high level of transparency and honesty. especially when you are writing about yourself and your own thoughts. you cannot simply make stuff up and expect it to work. i mean you can always make stuff up, i just don’t know how well it works.

this level of transparency and honesty sometimes scares me as a writer. it actually keeps me from writing often because in reality, i’m more comfortable with being vague and keeping my distance. that doesn’t work as a writer. or i guess maybe that’s why i like to write. maybe these words are a shield. in blogs, the ease of typing and then hiding is appealing. you can write whatever it is that you wish you could say to someone’s face without actually having to look them in the eye. you can express yourself in ways that you wouldn’t otherwise. but i don’t want to do that. as a writer, i want to be the same person on print as i would be if we were meeting face to face.

there is a balance that is difficult to keep at times for me. anyone who knows me knows that i am full of opinions. i cannot dispute that. but that’s the trick, that’s where growing into the person i’m becoming can be difficult when it comes to actually writing about my opinions. sometimes i want to be outspoken and speak my mind and write whatever it is that comes to mind. sometimes writing my thoughts is the last thing i want to do because i know how much my thoughts can differ from others. believe it or not, i hate conflict and the last thing i want from writing is to create any. there are plenty of things i have opinions about that probably differ from my family’s point of view or my wife’s family’s point of view. i have different thoughts about politics than how i was raised, different thoughts on religion, the environment and gays and lesbians. i like the president, that probably isn’t a universal opinion in my family. my parents are MSU grads, i love U-M. it’s just how it is.

the one thing i’ve learned about becoming an adult is that it doesn’t magically happen. and it doesn’t really matter what others think. when i was a teenager i assumed that hitting thirty years of age meant that i would suddenly be more mature than the twenty nine year olds in the room. i figured i would just know how the world works and how to fix stuff. i assumed that there’d be a pay increase in my salary because i was at an established age, and yes, i assumed i’d be established because being thirty meant, immediate success and establishment.

i’m almost half way through this decade of thirties now. nothing happens automatically.

i’m still figuring out this stage. i make mistakes and take leaps and risks. i’m not afraid of being told no and i know full well that things and thoughts can change. ask my wife, life with me is nothing if not unexpected. i call it an adventure. what fun is life if you always know what is coming next?

i’ve changed a lot the past few years. i consider it maturing. that’s what life is. i’ve learned that we have to always be evolving and being prepared for what’s next. i don’t like writing about myself as much as you’d thing. i mean this is a blog where that’s sort of the point right? so it should be easier, it’s not. but i’m evolving. i’m admitting that in order to improve in life and as a writer, i have to show more transparency. life is better when we can really just be who we are supposed to be and not worry about what anyone thinks. right?