growing up, i had this view of love.
it was perfect…
rarely did i see my parents argue… usually they would be smooching in the kitchen and i would do what most kids would do… i would cover my eyes and go “ewwww” like any self-respecting little guy should do. but in reality of course… i liked seeing my parents like that. it was a good view of love to have. a good example. that’s kinda how i always thought love would be like… all fluffy and feel-goody.
then as i grew older i thought i reeeallly knew what this “love” thing was all about. i could have sworn i was in love probably a dozen times and it was always “THIS time it’s different”… i thought it was all about this “feeling” i had inside… it was always such a high… such a rush. and when i would come down from that rush.. that surge of emotion usually having more to do with a girl’s looks and wavy hair and sparkle in her eye than anything else… i didn’t feel such love anymore. it always evaporated fairly quickly.
even as i grew up and matured into a young adult male… or believed i was mature… (which somedays i wonder if that has actually happened) i thought i had found a better perspective of what love was. i thought so at least. i would still find myself falling in and out of love every other second. still… i would find myself falling out of love when i didn’t approve of her hairstyle… or the way she chewed her food… or how she walked…and on and on it went (i was pretty picky and i shouldn’t name any names in this column). i truly thought love was predicated on emotions and feelings and even though i knew otherwise… i still thought i knew what love was.
and then June 2, 2010 happened. that’s the day i met HER
i watched my future love step out of her car … and my first thought was… WHO IS THAT?
who she was, she was the one who showed me that love was actually an everyday thing. that it was more than just a simple emotion. she showed me what real love… REAL love… was.
REAL love is more than just something you say when you want to… or when you feel like it… It’s something you know to be true when you especially DON’T feel that way. when you swear you cannot stand that person.
it is something you actually have to DO. When i met HER, i was so consumed with the idea of loving someone, i didn’t realize it was actually something to do, not simply feel.
we’ve been through our battles, believe me we battle.no one who knows me is surprised by that.
i’m so stubborn sometimes i refuse to understand why people say i’m stubborned (when you are arguing about not being stubborn and hard-headed… give up… you have been proven wrong). we’ve realized that love isn’t always perfect and it’s not always pretty. it’s not always fluffy and feel-goody and in fact it’s usually not. there are tears some days on both sides and days we feel downright awful about ourselves and about our relationship and days where hating seems a whole lot easier than loving. but i cannot imagine even trying to live without this real love. truly… i can’t picture a day the rest of my life where i wouldn’t want to tell HER a hundred times that I loved her. even while fighting… and there has been plenty of that… i know that i still love her (which was pretty shocking when i reached that conclusion). i have never really believed in soul-mates or the one true love scenario and i’m not sure about all that and it doesn’t really matter anyway. she has taught me that love is an everyday thing. that love is actually why you support, why you invest, why you give, why you trust. it is because of love that you actually fight through issues together. you have to. love doesn’t grant you many options.
all i know is that i get to marry MY love… Kelli Joy Ponstein… on September 7, 2012… and i am a better man because of it. without it sounding too fluffy… love is great… throughout it all… it’s because of Kelli i can say that.